dsweetgoober (dsweetgoober) wrote,

Amazing Cure for the Weary Christian!

Are you sick of turning the other cheek? Tired of loving your enemies? Exhausted by the thought of having to “go the extra mile” with yet one more heathen? Good news! We at Patriotic Solutions in conjunction with Rancor Laboratories have come up with an ingredient to add to your Christianity that will free you from up to 50% of your moral obligations!


How do we do this? Everyone knows that Jesus boiled Christianity down to two things--- loving God and loving your neighbor--- but now, by simply adding patriotism to your Christianity, you can hate your neighbor. If someone insults you for being a Christian turn the other cheek, but if they insult America bomb them back to the Stone Age! Are you sick of feeling guilty about helping the poor? Define them all as illegal immigrants and 3rd generation welfare-queens with 5 children by 5 different fathers and the problem is gone!

Don’t forget that you also get to neglect self control and mercy. Not only is it acceptable to lose your temper with this product (being marketed now as Conservatism) you get to be outraged as often as you like about anything that threatens white middle class America! In fact you get to call into question the patriotism of anyone who refuses to be outraged with you!

Order Conservatism today and we will throw in the Presidential Pardon feature that allows you to disregard any scripture that speaks of respecting authority so that you can hate the president for being a Liberal, an unnaturalized citizen and a closet Muslim! Operators are standing by.

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