July 30th, 2004

Journal Excerpt

4/14/04- I understand why people made idols, why some still do. It's a frustrating feeling to need God to be involved in your life and too feel like God is not around. I can see why some people resort to stone or wood. Solid objects offer a tactile experience. Something, whether an idol of stone or a string of beads; a wooden cross or a crystal ball; a stone building or a wooden pew; anything that they can touch and say "Here is something of my God".

You leave us promises and hopes, and ask us to build a kingdom. You tarry for 2,000 of our years and ask us to believe that you will step out from behind a bank of clouds at any minute and make everything OK. And we wait because we are not waiting in our original state but in a state of redemption. We have fallen and tasted the other side and know what we do not want to return to. So we wait. Knowing however long it takes , what ever we must endure without any visible means of support, is worth the wait to avoid the hell that we have tasted.

And although we live on promises and hide & seek appearances by you we have tasted heaven too, in your salvation. We've seen glimpses and felt slight tremors that foreshadow the thrill we will feel at your appearing. Those that worship idols turn to the solid things still like houses, cars, jewelery, bank accounts. We still cling to the wisps of promises that someday will become the only solid ground on which to stand...

4/15/04-...Still thinking about tactile experience and idol worship. I think carrying my Bible all these years is part of that. The feel and the smell of the leather covers. The clean white-lined pages of a new journal or just a blank page. A new gel pen that glides smoothly across the page. Little comforts that I take. When I write in my journal I feel like I have actually done something to lift myself or encourage myself. Or even just unburden myself. I used to think I could solve any problem I had with a new pen and a new notebook or journal...