dsweetgoober (dsweetgoober) wrote,

Excerpt from The Real Journal


These Thoughts

And when I had been thinking
and had thought each thought a thousand times
I tired and a thoughtlessness overtook me
Like a mist seeping up from the ground
paralyzing my mind
with the futility of thinking

For these thoughts are useless
Notice how they will not let me sleep
yet lack the power to awaken me
They startle me from slumber and lead me out
along perilous rain-slick streets
coated with grime and reason
Only to find once more a wall
a blind alley
or a gaping chasm
And I find that all that was awakened
was a thought
and not a deed

And so I seek to stifle these thoughts
with a torrent of words and images
these thoughts of freedom
liberty, usefullness and purpose
Or at least to smother the emotions
that give them life
For these thoughts are sterile
for all their boastful hopefullness
The soul that lies in chains
can never purchase freedom
from a mind that does the same
These thoughts can lead me nowhere
where I have not been
or show me anything
that I have not seen

So I build a path from dirt
as broad as my mind
and just as long
And fill it with as many words as I can find
Jostling crowds of syllables
sounds and images
Pounding each square inch flat and lifeless
lest any seed should germinate
and break the surface of my mind
to lead me back into this useless cycle
of hope and heartache

And so the days of wandering are gone
the sunsets and the chasing trails
exploring avenues in distant towns
finding meaning in the smiles and frowns
of clouds
For these thoughts lead me only to your cross
and tell me it's a door
But with a threshold wider
than I've ever seen before
I enter and walk for hours
days, months, years
and never reach this other world
to which you lead
But with one small stumble
slide back to where you bleed
in payment
for my thoughtlessness

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